Walking with your hands out in front of you will expose you as an imposter to most zombies.
By MATT ROBINSON
Soon the zombie apocalypse will arrive. The streets will be empty and the only sounds echoing through our lonely little town will be the relentless moans of the undead. It’s a new world and you will have to be prepared.You can try to stock up food and medical supplies, but eventually those stockpiles will diminish. If you think you can exit your bunker to replenish your supplies just by killing the endless waves of undead with a shotgun, well, you’re either one bad Mamba Jamba or a delicious snack.
So, you are going to need to Zombie Walk amongst them, camouflaging yourself as one of them. You are going to need to know how to act, dress and do your own makeup.
1. Don’t overdo it with the makeup: Most people want to think they are great makeup artists when, in fact, they are not. It is difficult to make Zombie makeup look convincing. You have to be familiar with prosthetic application and texturing techniques. Most of all you need practice. Practice is not a luxury you will have when a zombie horde descends. So, just add a quick latex wound, some blood, cross your fingers, and moan into that group of wandering zombies.
2. Don’t put your arms out in front of you: Everybody hates a cliche, most of all zombies. You might get away with it with some zombies – the type in skinny jeans, black-rimmed glasses and an old “Family Ties” T-shirt worn ironically – but not all zombies are hipsters. Most look around and kill anything that doesn’t look like them.
3. Do not say the word “brains”: Have you ever been walking down a still, post-apocalyptic street only to come around a corner and see a large group of the undead doing the “Thriller” dance? No, you most certainly have not. That is because John Landis directed actors dressed like zombies to do so. The only piece of media where the undead said “brains” was 1985’s “Return of the Living Dead,” and that was satire. The zombie virus leaves victims unable to speak. If you say anything but an unintelligible gargle, you might as well marinate yourself before leaving the confines of your secure underground fortress.
4. Fake blood solves all problems: While zombie makeup is hard, blood doesn’t require a skill set to apply. Using a simple recipe you can whip up a fresh batch of homemade blood and then bathe yourself in it. If it doesn’t look good, add more blood. This stuff is great. All zombies are soaking in blood and as long as you don’t add too much food coloring it will come out with a little warm water. It’s a little sticky but it makes any zombie camouflage simply come together.
Homemade Blood Recipe
1 cup corn syrup
1 tablespoon water
2 tablespoons red food coloring
A few drops of blue food coloring
2 tablespoons cornstarch
Robinson is a Lewiston short filmmaker whose latest work can be seen at normalhill.com.
