This might be a result of my own incredibly irreverent sense of humor, but I totally snicker on the inside whenever I hear one of these. Although I suspect even the most straight-laced among us gets a secret giggle when they hear the word “masticate.” Who wouldn’t?
1. Uvula You know, that little dangly thing in the back of your throat. We all know what it really sounds like. If you don’t, well, I have no advice for you. Maybe an anatomy class would do you good.
2. Coccyx The end of your tailbone. Which, if you’ve ever injured it, you know it’s a pain in the butt. Does anyone notice a pattern of innocent body parts sounding like the body parts everyone is scared to talk about?
3. Kumquat This citrus fruit native to south Asia just looks like a slightly oblong orange. I still haven’t been able to pin down why this one sounds dirty. It just does.
4. Flagellum A flagellum is a whip-like appendage that protrudes from the cell body of certain cells and helps them move. Think of sperm with their little wiggly tails. That association is probably why this word sounds worse than it is.
5. Caulk This is the material used to seal seams — like between baseboards and the wall. My dad was a construction worker who was always very careful to enunciate this one with a prominent “L” sound. Otherwise, asking another burly construction worker if he could share his caulk could prove interesting. Not that construction workers necessarily share caulk. I don’t know what happens on construction sites.
6. Analgesic Another word for a painkiller. This one needs no explanation.
7. Organism All living things are organisms. Just don’t mispronounce this in front of kids and then start laughing at yourself. They’ll want you to explain the joke.
8. Masticate The act of chewing. Just think about it. You masticate in front of your mom. And grandmother. Horrifying, isn’t it?
9. Condiment Ketchup. Mayonnaise. Mustard. All condiments. You know what isn’t good on sandwiches? Condoms. Which is definitely what I think of every time I hear this word.
10. Gesticulate To use dramatic gestures to emphasize a point. I once had a friend who A) liked to use very large words and B) volunteered with children. He once told a story of when he couldn’t get the kids to quiet down so he started “gesticulating” to get their attention. Another friend replied, “Dude, I don’t think that’s legal.”
11. Bulbous Fat, round or bulging. Really, the definition is almost dirtier sounding than the original word. Just refrain from saying this word in polite company and you’ll be good.
12. Moist This one doesn’t really sound dirty. It’s just a horrible, awful, no-good word that no one should ever use. Ever.
Is there a listicle you’d like to see? Get in touch. Moroney may be contacted at kmoroney@lmtribune.com or at (208) 848-2232.