Dear Advice Rat,
I like this guy I have some classes with. How do I know if he’s into me?
— Silently Wondering
Dear Silently Wondering,
I don’t know how this works in humans, but we rats have a very simple test to see if another rat is into us. The first question is, is the rat breathing? That’s also the last question. If the answer is yes, then yes, that rat is into you. Humans are a little more complicated, but if they are breathing then there is at least a chance. So I’d go with yes, until you get a clear no.
Dear Advice Rat,
I’m 32 and I want to get married and have kids. The problem is, I haven’t found the right person yet and there doesn’t seem to be any hope on the horizon. I feel the clock ticking for me. What advice do you have on meeting someone who is willing to go the distance?
–Tick Tock
Dear Tick Tock,
Where have you been hanging out this whole time? ‘Cause I know for rats, if you want to meet a nice garbage rat, you gotta hang out in the garbage. If you want to meet a basement rat, you gotta hang out in the basement. Think of who you want to be with and go where you think you’d find them. See who shows up. Now, I’ve heard that humans don’t hang out and do things anymore, they just look at pictures of people doing things, so that makes it a bit more difficult. But try doing some things you enjoy. Maybe you can start a trend.
