By Michelle Schmidt
So like any good redneck would, we’re going to help you out and have a little fun while we do it. Here are five gift ideas, all created or developed by locals, ranging from hilarious to classy, so you find exactly what you’re looking for:
Billy Bob Teeth
These teeth are the ideal solution for the redneck without an appropriate dental appearance. Cover up straight pearly whites by securing the Billy Bob Teeth over the top. Then break into a grin and watch what happens.
Designed by Lewiston dentist, Dr. Rich Bailey — don’t worry, he came up with the idea years ago when he was a student, so none of us have unknowingly been models for them — the Billy Bob Teeth come in a variety of styles, ranging from ones that cover imperfection to those that create them.
But use with caution: In addition to altering your appearance, it’s possible the teeth bring about changes to vocabulary use and mental capacity. Order Billy Bob Teeth at: www.billybobproducts.com
A redneck without a beard is not to be taken seriously. But growing one takes a while and can be complicated, especially for women and children.
Enter the Beardies. Simply place the crocheted accessory where your beard belongs and attach at the ears. Beardies can be worn with or without a hat, making them a more versatile wardrobe option than their more widely known cousin, the beard beanie. This original design was developed by Blake Harrington of Clarkston, who sells them at local craft fairs and on Etsy.
She initially developed the product for fun, but it does more than make people laugh — plenty of customers have come back to say how warm it keeps their face while skiing or on morning walks.
“They’re basically a crocheted sweater for your face,” Harrington said.
Beardies are available in a variety of sizes and colors to match hair, or even school colors. Harrington said she also takes special orders, citing older women who’ve requested Beardies in gray (though she neglected to mention whether the Beardie was for these women or for their husbands).
Find Beardies online at: www.etsy.com/shop/blakesbeanies
Antler Wine Stopper and Bottle Opener
Then there are the classy among us who prefer to drink something more distinguished than PBR and open a bottle with something other than our teeth. The wine stoppers and bottle openers made by Josh Walbom of Kamiah allow for such, while still maintaining local appeal.
With his interest in locally found antlers, Walbom combines quality craftsmanship and artistic ability to create just about everything: grilling tools, card holders, drawer pulls, lamps, chandeliers, even furniture. With around 75 antler-based products, prices range as broadly as the products themselves. The bottle opener and wine stopper are each around $20.
Find these products at: www.idaglowantler.com and www.etsy.com/shop/IdaGlowAntler
Bolt Action Sliding Bullet Pen
If the pen is mightier than the sword, then is a pen made with a bullet and a bolt action sliding mechanism the mightiest weapon of all? Chances are it’ll feel that way each time you cock your pen for use.
Lynn Hendry of Lewiston has been making wooden pens — among other woodworking pieces — for around 30 years, but this is the first year he’s offered the bullet pen that slides like a regular gun. This feature, he says, is what makes it unique.
With more than 100 varieties of wood in his shop, these pens are made using anything from ornamental staghorn sumac to common sagebrush to ancient pine trees. And because it uses standard pen refills, it’s a fine, practical piece that will last for years.
Find these pens at Hendry’s online store at: www.etsy.com/shop/HendryCraft
Camo Beer Hat
When it comes to redneckness, this one has it all: camo, beer cans, yarn and some serious fun.
Made by LaDawn Baker of Pullman, the crocheted camo hat makes the perfect party accessory. Inspired by hats of the 1970s, Baker pulled out this design about a year ago as a party favor for a friend’s birthday. It was an instant hit and she now ships them all over the country.
“They’re perfect for tailgating … or anywhere for that matter,” Baker said in an email. “They always make people chuckle.”
Get your own at: www.etsy.com/shop/classycrap
Schmidt can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org or at (208) 305-4578.