Last Friday Nintendo released the NES Classic Edition, a mini-version of its groundbreaking 1980s video game console. News of the release transported Inland 360 Managing Editor Doug Bauer back to the wasted hours of his youth spent hunched in front of a TV screen in a dark room throwing barrels in “Donkey Kong” and eating ghosts in “Pac Man.” He emailed his wife, Inland 360 reporter Jennifer K. Bauer, in an attempt to convince her this was something their family could use.
From: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “jkbauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2016 1:06:40 PM
OK, I realize we made a pact to encourage our kids to use their time wisely and not waste their youth staring blankly at the TV screen with video-game controllers in their hands. But have you seen the new Nintendo Classic video-game console? Could make for some serious family fun.
From: “Jennifer Bauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2016 1:31:35 PM
Can all five of us play at once? My definition of “family fun” does not include sitting and watching other people play video games. That is under my definition of mental torture.
From: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “jkbauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2016 2:15:06 PM
That’s a good question considering our kids are so good at sharing 😉
From: “Jennifer Bauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2016 2:23:19 PM
Is this purchase just all about nostalgia for you?
From: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “jkbauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2016 2:31:35 PM
Me, nostalgic? Since when have I ever been nostalgic?
From: “Jennifer Bauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2016 2:38:43 PM
You’re doing nothing to sell me on buying an antique video game console.
From: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “jkbauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2016 2:42:43 PM
That’s because I don’t have to: this console literally sells itself. You get 30 games for $60, none of which include the blood-and-guts stuff kids routinely get exposed to by modern consoles. (And for the record, I checked and only two people can play at a time).
From: “Jennifer Bauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2016 2:53:24 PM
Only two? More squabbling over devices, just what I wanted for the holidays.
It starts with the Nintendo and ends with our children with implants living in the virtual reality world of their choosing. Maybe they will allow us to visit them when we are old in a little pop up screen in the corner of their vision.
From: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “jkbauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2016 3:02:22 PM
For the sake of Super Mario, won’t you give in? What is this, the NFL (No Fun League)? I propose purchasing an 8-bit relic and you’re turning our future into a dystopian nightmare.
From: “Jennifer Bauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2016 4:03:52 PM
Maybe our present would look like a dystopian nightmare to someone in 1985, when this console first came out. People walking in front of cars while playing Pokemon Go? A large part of the population only reading news they “like” filtered through their individual Facebook feeds? Viral cat videos? I’m afraid humans are forgetting how to have fun without a screen.
From: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “jkbauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2016 4:10:19 PM
I know one human who is going to lose her turn on Donkey Kong if she doesn’t turn that frown upside down. And for what it’s worth, our kids didn’t inherit their love of cat videos from my side of the family.
From: “Jennifer Bauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2016 4:21:34 PM
Video preference is not something you can inherit, yet.
If we have to go down this road maybe it would be better to get the classic Sega. That’s what my family had. Sonic the Hedgehog spinning like a chainsaw blade was more fun than a fat mustached man in overalls.
From: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “jkbauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 15, 2016 8:52:57 AM
Nintendo was and always will be a better console with superior games – Excitebike, Tecmo Bowl, Punch Out!!, to name a few. And, what’s wrong with fat guys with mustaches? They can’t be so bad, considering you married one. Don’t make me go buy a pair of overalls.
From: “jkbauer” <jkbauer@lmtribune.com>
To: “Doug Bauer” <dbauer@lmtribune.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 15, 2016 4:03:58 PM
Ok, that’s just gross. Fine, go ahead and weigh our family down with another piece of technology. You’re going to have to wait awhile though since it sold out as soon as it went on the market.
Just remember I told you so when we only know our grandchildren by their virtual identities.
