Pumpkin spice is now such an essential part of the American autumnal experience, it might be hard to remember the days before it flavored all our lattes, packaged foods and hygiene products.
But that day existed.
And when it did, it was anyone’s guess as to what fall flavor would reign supreme in the world of corporate marketing. But we can be fairly certain these ones didn’t have a chance:
Spaghetti Squash Spice – The exotic flavors of butter and salt accentuate the tasteless strands of pumpkin’s lesser-known cousin.
Brussels Sprouts Blend — Grown in rich garden soil, this combination tastes of dinner table tantrums and napkin-tucked disposal attempts, even when topped with bacon.
Boots and Sweaters – Infused with Pinterest and comfort, this bold and cozy blend is enriched by undertones of leather and freshly harvested scarves.
Soggy Apple Pie — Warm notes of cinnamon and baked apples wrapped in a limp dough, reminiscent of school paste.
Leaf Pile — A playful multi-colored combination of organic yard debris with notes of mold and beetles.
Carb-less Cauliflower — A gluten-free, vegan, paleo, whole food selection sure to make you long for butter-drizzled bread fresh out of the oven.
Game Day Disappointment — Boldly flavored with anticipation and your favorite team’s colors, this blend takes an unexpected sour turn accentuated by beer and chicken wings.
Sweet Potato Casserole — Featuring equal amounts of antioxidants and marshmallows, this cozy fall-time treat boldly walks the fine line between vegetable casseroles and dessert.
Soccer Saturday Melee — Capri-Sun, Gatorade, granola bars and participation trophies combine in this early morning blend that is great for rainy days, high-intensity parents and a forgotten shin guard.
Slow-Cooker Medley — Confidently simmered for hours on low, this savory combination features hints of carrot, potato and roast beef ideal for those who like everything on their plate to taste the same.