Here’s Inland 360’s suggested improvements for the most complained about quirks on the Palouse:
Build a gigantic heater — wind powered, of course — to raise the temperature 10 degrees in the winter months.
Issue complimentary wind breakers to residents. Alternately, install a biosphere over the region to minimize excessive wind experience.
A fog removal system at the Pullman Airport that will enable planes to actually land.
Fog vapor would be sucked up by a giant vacuum (developed by the universities and funded by research grants) and pumped underground into the disappearing Palouse Basin Aquifer.
A green forehead stamp of Environmental and Otherwise Progressive Approval so that people in Moscow know who to look down upon.
Clothing stores for people who are not tiny female college students majoring in yoga who only consume green smoothies.
A “change any single number in the listing/rental price free” card issued to renters and new homeowners.
Complimentary floss in all Moscow restrooms for removing kale from teeth.
An app that tracks parking enforcement officers on the Washington State University campus and alerts you when your meter is up and/or when an officer is within 300 yards of your vehicle.
Build a superstore called Target Joe’s, to both replace the shuttered ShopKo in Pullman and satisfy the cravings of Moscovites longing for Target and Trader Joe’s.
Distribute hover cars so that residents can float over potholes instead of jarring their axles. Alternatively, fill the potholes with lentils.
- Michelle Schmidt, Jamie Flathers and Jennifer Bauer