The candidates have been announced, and it’s time to make a decision.
But before you vote for your final favorites in Inland 360’s Holiday Pie Championship, we wanted you to hear from the candidates themselves. Amid their harrowing schedules of speech-giving, promise-making and baby-kissing, we gathered the candidates for a brief debate so you could learn about the issues that matter most to you:
Q: What do you stand for as a pie?
Apple: With me, you know what you’re going to get. You’re going to get something delicious -- something you’ve tasted 100 times before and something you’re going to taste 100 times again. If there’s anything more American than me, I dare you to find it.
Huckleberry: If you want ordinary, you’re better off with Apple -- I’m not your pie. But if you’re tired of the same-old and ready for something new, you’ve come to the right place. I’m wild, I’m intense and I’m going to wake up every tastebud in your mouth.
Pumpkin: Have you ever tasted a pumpkin pie that tasted different than any other pumpkin pie? You haven’t. Because I’m consistent. I bring you consistent results every time. Traditional? Perhaps. But I also offer whipped cream.
Chocolate cream: If smooth and creamy is what you want, there’s no better choice than me. I’m full of chocolatey sweetness -- I’m not made of fruits and vegetables, like these other guys.
Q: How does your experience qualify you for this role?
Apple: I’ve been around for centuries. None of the other candidates here have that kind of experience, not even close. I know what I’m doing, and I do it well.
Chocolate Cream: Experience isn’t everything. I may not have the lengthy resume that you do, Apple, but I’m a fighter. My whole life I’ve been accused of not being a “real pie” because I’m not made of fruit. But look at me, one of the strongest contenders in the Holiday Pie Championship.
Pumpkin: I’m the pie that belongs on the Thanksgiving table. You might like other pie better, but these other pies come and go. I’m the one you can count on. I am a holiday institution.
Huckleberry: Look, I can’t compete with these guys in terms of name recognition. Everyone knows who they are. And there are people out there who’ve never heard of me, never experienced what I’m like. But for everyone who has, there’s no going back. Just because everyone knows you doesn’t make you great.
What do you see as the most important issue facing our region right now and how do you plan to address this?
Huckleberry: When I go out and listen to what ordinary people are talking about, the primary questions they’re asking are these: “Can you believe what So-and-so said on Facebook?” and “How am I supposed to respond?” Well, let me tell you. You’re going to eat a slice of me and you’re going to feel happy inside and then you’re going to say something nice. It’s as easy as pie.
Apple: Health care is an ongoing issue for many. And you’ve heard the advice: an apple a day keeps the doctor away. There’s no reason that apple can’t be in a pie. And that’s how I plan to lower health care costs for all.
Chocolate Cream: Immigration is a topic that’s of great importance to me, having come to this country from Central and South America. There are no simple solutions, but I believe that sharing our stories over a slice of pie can do a great deal toward finding a common ground.
Pumpkin: It’s true, people are concerned with things like health care, climate change, gun violence and international relations. But that’s not the primary concern most of us are facing on Thanksgiving Day. On that day, most of us are just trying to get through the meal without talking about any of these things. Looking forward to me may be all that’s needed to get you through the meal.
Cast your vote in the polls below:
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